Power, Love and Self-Control

What is my purpose? I find myself wondering about this question. Sometimes it’s because I’m not sure if people quite know what to do with me. What is my job description? What should the students really be learning in my classes? How should I be contributing to the school and church when I’m not teaching? These questions, among others, are things that I try to make a bit clearer week by week. It’s nobody else’s fault that these questions aren’t answered. They are things I just need to figure out. I work through Mission of Christ Network, which included a contract. I signed a contract with the school too, but it was in Hungarian. Talking to fellow teachers about what topics they are teaching helps me figure out how to incorporate what they’re teaching into my own discussion classes. I make presentations about the English language, about America or conduct Bible studies in English with congregation members from Emmaus. But, all of my roles are fuzzy. Needless to say, I am sometimes at a loss about what I should be doing. It’s tough for me because I feel comfortable being told exactly what needs to be done then finding creative ways to accomplish my tasks. It’s a joy to work with people who have a common goal, but what IS my goal here?

I’m out of my comfort zone. You know those inspirational quotes you see online? The quotes that are floating in clouds with, most likely, a mountain in the background saying things like, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone,” “Great things never came from comfort zones,” “One step is what separates you from your comfort zone and life,” “The shell must break before the bird can fly.” Blah. Blah. Blah. Sheesh. But, it’s exhausting, being confused, frustrated and uncertain. So, I searched for some applicable Bible verses. They always seem to put my mind on the right track, better than the inspirational quotes on Pinterest anyway.

2 Timothy 1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.”

Yes, I feel afraid that I’m not fulfilling the goal God has for me, or maybe I won’t succeed or it will be too hard. Sometimes I am afraid because I think my goal is to try to please the people around me and I know I can’t please everyone. How weak my faith is when I think these thoughts. (Proverbs 19:21 “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”) He gave me a spirit of POWER and LOVE and SELF-CONTROL. It’s interesting that God chose those three words. First of all, God’s power is stronger than I could even imagine. He isn’t going to let anything happen to me that I can’t handle or anything that isn’t supposed to happen to me. This is because he loves me even though I don’t deserve it. Despite the fact that I am weak and full of fear, he gives me a spirit of power and love. He also gives me a spirit of self-control so that I can focus more on his will instead of veering away from it. Want to know something else that’s pretty cool? The Galations 5:22-23 verse that includes the fruits of the spirit lists love first and self-control last. It seems like the fruits in between are a result of the first and last ones being carried out.

My goal is not to please the people around me. Galations 1:10 says, “…If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.” There is it. My goal is to be a servant of God. There’s my answer. Of course, my purpose in life is everywhere in the Bible. (Exodus 9:16, 2 Timothy 1:9, Romans 8:28, Philippians 2:12-13, etc.) God’s a fantastic author. I guess I don’t see it sometimes because I foolishly try to figure things out myself. I forget that I wouldn’t be able to figure anything out without the brain God gave me and without His direction. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”

That’s what I want! I want my paths to be straight. Wouldn’t life be simpler, easier to understand? But, I don’t always acknowledge him. That’s why I feel like my paths are tangled and going in circles. What does “acknowledge him” mean?

It means learning how to live the life God has given us. When we go through our daily activities, you aren’t doing them on your own. You’re doing them in confidence and expectation in the spirit (of power, love and self-control) and character of Christ. God has the authority in everything you do. (Job 42:2 “no purpose of his can be thwarted.) We expect God to direct us to do something more than what we could do on our own. That’s what discipleship is. It’s learning to acknowledge God in all we do.

It takes a lot of learning. I don’t think I’ll ever be done learning. As I acknowledge him, my fear and anxiety disappear because I’m not left in the wind alone. I’m watching God use me. I stop second guessing myself and doubting that what I am doing is what I should be doing.

Phew. Doesn’t that feel nice? My mind certainly is more at peace and my purpose is clear. Some other nice things happened during the last couple of weeks. The weekends are usually our opportunity to take a train to cities close by. The weekend before last, I went to Miskolc to a kocsonya festival. Miskolc is the third largest city in Hungary. I will say that I’m not about to reach into the fridge for kocsonya when I’m hungry any time soon. Traditionally, it is pieces of pork slow-cooked together with spices and vegetables. This thickens into a broth and is left to cool into a wiggly aspic jelly. It has a fun story to go along with it! Once upon a time, there was a bowl of kocsonya cooling in a wine cellar when a frog decided to jump in (mistaking it for a pond?) and got solidified in the jelly. The dish was later served to a guest who said, upon finding the frog, "my dear witress, this kocsonya is blinking!" This resulted in a nationwide saying, "it blinks like the frog in the Miskolc kocsonya." I'm not really sure in what situation this saying would be used...but that's what I was told. Don't worry, the story has a happy ending. The Kocsonya was reheated, and the frog leapt away. If you want a recipe, hit me up. ;) Thankfully, the guest was given a new bowl of kocsonya. We bought one small container of the stuff to share between 4 of us. They were serving the kocsonya in a big tent next to the many booths of fudge, chocolate and other delicacies that definitely seemed more appetizing at this point.

Finding a place to eat was tough, but we found a standing table to eat at. I looked around, preparing myself for this lovely, new experience and saw tables of people eating up their own bowls of kocsonya like it was the chocolate being sold next door. We all took at bite. Salty. I guess it tasted like soup, but the consistency was, of course, very different. I was satisfied with one bite. Others had a couple more, hoping they would like the next bite better. By the time everyone was done poking the kocsonya, we still had more than half the bowl left. We thought about giving it to one of the people around us, knowing they clearly enjoyed it, but decided that would be weird. The festival was great though! We perused the streets full of booths. There were several bands being set up to play later in the day. At one point, we met a crowd of young and old dancing Hungarian jigs in a big circle. Sam and I took the train back to Nyiregyhaza and went to a charity ball, hosted by Kossuth High School.

This weekend, we took a train to Debrecen. It’s the second largest city in Hungary. It also has a notable university, so a lot of people speak English. It was strange hearing people speaking English on the streets around us and in restaurants. We had been to Debrecen once before during Christmas break and found out about a sushi restaurant. I usually don’t eat sushi. In fact, I never eat it. But, Sam loves it, so I suggested we go. We were not disappointed. It was delicious and I was stuffed when we left.

About three months left of school! I can’t believe it!